Monday, August 23, 2010

Tied Up In Knots

Worn to Work Monday, August 23

skirt-Filter Nordstrom
Tank Top-Old Navy
Jacket-BR Outlet
Shoes-J Crew

This is how I feel today...

When I try to explain what is going on with me, my stomach knots up and I just run away. But, today I am going to try to talk about it.
Friday, I am having surgery, a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy. What is that, you ask? Well, it is when they remove all your breast tissue and replace it with implants or fat. I have chosen to have my breasts reconstructed with the fat from my stomach. I guess I should start at the beginning. My mother had 2 boughts with breast cancer and I have the BRCA1 gene mutation that causes breast and ovarian cancer. This means I have a approximately 60% chance of getting breast cancer, 5 times more than the average person. So, I decided to have the mastectomy. A lot of factors went into this decision, but in the end I knew it was the right thing to do, my chance of getting breast cancer will go down to 1%.
Now that the surgery is on Friday, I am getting really nervous. I know it sounds vain, but one of my current worries is about the cosmetic outcome of the surgery. But, I amature fashion blogger, so how I feel and look in my clothes is important to me. The surgeons have reassured me that you wont even be able to tell that my chest is fake, with my clothes on, But, I am still having nightmares. My other main worry is the recovery. I will be in the hospital for 4 days and cannot lift anything over 10 pounds for 4-6 weeks. My mom and husband are going to help me through everything, but I just hate depending on other people.
Besides getting rid of the cancer, the surgery has to other big benefits. First, I will have smaller boobs!!! I am so excited about this. You know you boobs are too big when the plastic surgeon asks you your bra size, and when you tell him he gasps and says I do not make them that big. Second, instead of implants that are filling them with the fat from my stomach and giving me a tummy tuck!
I do feel better getting that off my chest...pun not intended.


Melissa said...

Oh honey...

Okay, let's look at this objectively:

MAIN SILVER LINING: your risk is going down from 60% to 1%! That's fantastic!

2nd happy: Your breast size will be reduced. As another large-chested mom, I know it can suck. I'd love to be able to wear prettier bras, but whatever. You might be able to now!

3rd happy: TUMMY TUCK?! Seriously?! There are no cons to that.

I know it's scary. Well...I can imagine anyway. I can't claim to have any idea how you feel, but I can imagine. And I also hate to have to depend on people. But that fear, and that dependence, is only for a season while the lowered risk, smaller breasts and tummy tuck will last much, much longer.

At least the bad things are just passing through and not permanent changes. It's the good things that are permanent.

I'll be praying for you.

hillary said...

Oh sweetheart I am sorry you have to deal with this. I know you don't need my validation but I would do the same thing in your shoes. Cancer is rampant in my family and my gram had breast cancer a few years ago. Did you ask for a gene test? I'm really thinking I should seriously look into it.

I will be thinking about you and please ask you husband to report back on you as I'm sure many of us will be thinking of you.

Elena, Caffeinerd said...

Will be sending very positive thoughts your way. So sorry you have to go through this and wishing you all the luck in the world! My mom is also a breast cancer survivor.

P.S. I am sure you will look fantastic!

NoGuiltFashion said...

I will definitely be thinking about you come Friday. I'm glad to hear you are being pro-active about this, but like you said it is a tough decision to make.

Haven said...

I watched my husband go through cancer, if you have a 60% chance without the surgery, I completely understand why you'd want to do this. Cancer is such a hard thing to go through...

Not that surgery is fun!

I know everything will go great though. And with the help of your family you will come out a stronger, happier, healthier woman. :)

Kelly said...

I had no idea this was going on! You will be in my thoughts all week. I know this has to be an emotionally trying time, but I know that once you're on the other side, you will be SO happy that you did this and that you won't have to worry about breast cancer being around every corner anymore.

Cher said...

I hope you're still going to be able to attend the Meetup! If I can help at all, let me know. It should be a low-impact meetup. No heavy lifting (we'll save the manual labor for the next meetup!)

This comment has been removed by the author.

Oh my gosh! Send lots of good vibes your way.

406 Olivia said...

I'm a little slow on the uptake so I just read about your surgery.

First: You are so brave for electing to have a double mastectomy and also for putting it out there in the blogosphere. Go you!

Second: I've been hating on my boobs ever since I had kids...they were always small but now they're like saggy fried not sexy. However, they are healthy and they fed three babies. reading your story helps me rearrange my perspective.

Third: I hope the infection clears up soon and we can see your new hot bod all gussied up!