Fear... It is what drives me...forces me to sleep at night and kicks my ass out of bed every morning.
I sit paralyzed in fear...wondering if today is the day...when it all comes crashing down. I fear failure so intensely that I do not even bother trying things that I know I cannot succeed at...I missed out on so much being smothered by fear...I spent so many years allowing the fear win, I am not sure I know how to win...
The closer I get to starting school, the more I wonder if I should quit before it starts...just stay home with the boys...simple, no risks... I am almost 37, and just starting a new career...a new chapter in my life...it is risky...scary...big... It is not just fear of failure, it's fear of disappointing others...them not believing that I could even do it in the first place, a fear of tomorrow, a fear of standing up, just to fall flat on my face.
I have spent my life being ruled by fear. But, for the first time in a
long while, I am trying not to let the fear keep me from moving
forward...choking the life out of me. I am trying to kick fear in the
ass...show it who is boss. I want to wake up in the morning and push
myself to be fearless...