I pretty much spent the whole day in my car...taking people where they need to go, but not getting any of my own stuff done...very productive day...not really...
Sweater-Ann Taylor Loft/Skirt-Anthropologie/Scarf-H&M/Boots-Kenneth Cole
So, I like this outfit in theory...but now that I look at it in photos, I am not really sure. One thing I do know, is that it makes my boobs look huge! Not a good huge, but a wow, those are really big and all they do is get in the way and make my clothes stretch out huge. But, they are still smaller than they were before the first surgery. Guess what...They are going to be smaller soon!!! Cannot wait...
Well, I guess that is the perfect segue into something I have been dealing with lately. In case you are new to my blog, back in August, I had a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy. Instead of implants, I had the reconstruction done with fat from my abdomen with a tummy tuck. I am BRCA 1 positive, which means I have the genetic mutation that causes breast and ovarian cancer, and wanted to do everything I could to prevent breast cancer. What was supposed to be one surgery, ended up being three separate surgeries due to an infection in my abdomen incision. Medically, I was very happy with the results of my surgeries. But, now that everything had almost healed, the surgeon wants to go back in and smooth out the scar and the stomach wall...right now my stomach goes on a slant...the left side is more pronounced than the right sue to the wall thickening due to the multiple scars. At first I was against any more surgery...as if 1 13 hour, 3 person, surgery was not enough, I dealt with two more. But, as the doctor explained, the first surgery was just to get everything cleaned out and to get the new tissue in. He almost always has to go back and cosmetically enhance and refine everything. So, since there is a lump in the fatty tissue in my breast, he has to go in and smooth it all out, and he asked if there is anything else I want done...hmmmm...I want them even smaller, just another cup size.
Now, here in lies my dilemma. I feel very selfish and vain for having a "cosmetic" procedure, even though it is the follow up for the previous surgery. I feel like I have put my family through enough. But, I feel like this is the only body I will ever have and I did the initial surgery for my health, but I want to be 100% happy with the results, so I want the "cosmetic" final touches.
Sorry to ramble, but I have been thinking about this so much lately and I wanted to get it all out there.
Thanks for listening...it is all just so much to digest!