The Story Of Why I Love my Boobs!

Since tomorrow is the last day of October, breast cancer awareness month, I thought I would tell my story of how breast cancer changed my life. It began in 2000 when my mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer. Nothing but the birth of my children affected me more than seeing one of the people who had taken care of me my whole life so devastated, crying to her mom.  She was just so amazing through out everything, so strong... Three years, multiple surgeries and one recurrence later, a doctor recommended genetic testing for the gene mutation for breast cancer.  Once it was established that I had the BRCA 1 genetic mutation..meaning I had a 50% to 80% chance of getting breast cancer...many options were discussed but I never thought a prophylactic mastectomy be in my future.
But, after having kids, I decided that I did not want to live with such a high risk of getting cancer...the possibility of one day not being there for my kids.  At first I decided that I would have the prophylactic mastectomy when I was 35.  Since that was a year or so in the future, I didn't think about the details or ramifications of such a radical surgery.  But, spring 2010, I just decided it was time.  After first talking a the plastic surgeon and getting the exact details of the surgery and seeing the "after" photos, I almost let my fear get the best of me.  So, August 28, 2010 I had the first of 5 surgeries. 

Ok, so a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy...the quick general information...not to go into all the details... 14 hour surgery where the go in and remove all the breast tissue.  Then, they proceed to do a total reconstruction of the chest.  Then, since I did not want implants, they used the fat from my stomach for the reconstruction.  It is done in the form of a tummy tuck and an incision from hip to hip. 
After about a week in the hospital, 2 severe infections, and 5 more surgeries over the next 6 months here I sit with a 1% chance of getting breast cancer...less than the average person on the street.

Sometimes, I think is a good thing they don't explain all the specific details, especially the recovery, because if I had know how hard it was going to be, I might have had second thoughts. I have a scar from hip to hip that got infected and has been reopened multiple times...hopefully closed for business!  I have no feeling around most of the incision and my reconstructed belly button with a hard lump of scar tissue protruding from the left side of my belly.  A wonderful side effect of the surgery are the smaller boobs you see clothed on this blog.  They had always been way to big for my frame, got in the way for everything, made dressing difficult and generally a pain.  You know your boobs are huge when the plastic surgeon gasps when you tell him your bra size.  Now, my boobs might be covered in scars, still sore but numb in most spots and no nipples (sorry if that was too much information).

In the end, I am glad I had the surgery.  I do not have to live with the wondering of if and when I will get breast cancer and now I will always be there for my kids and family.  In March it will be a year from the final surgery and one day the scars will heal.

So why did I tell my story... I just want others out there to know that breast health and breast cancer detection should be taken seriously.

Thanks for reading!

Friday...Here I Come...

I can almost let out a deep breath now...
Child care for the big one has been arranged and the little one is going for a "meet and greet" at his new preschool...  Preschool interview in a casual environment...should be interesting...he is only 3!!

Alex came to work with me today, so I dressed casual...

Jeans-Loft/Shirt-Target/Sweater-Banana Republic/Boots-Williams

These jeans are super soft and stretchy, since they don't dig into my incision, I think they are going to be my go to pair for the few times I wear jeans. I think I like the way they look tucked into boots... though, I am thinking I should have bought them a size smaller, they have stretched out a bit and now I need a belt!

You should see the other guy...that's what I told him to say if anyone asked about his shiner...

Jack likes to get Alex out of bed in the morning...yesterday while trying to help him out of the bed, he inadvertently pushed his face into the foot board.  Every time I look at him, I wonder why he has on smeared blue eyeshadow!!

Between worrying about childcare, the husbands new job and my work overload, I am just so tired and ready for the weekend...too bad it won't be very relaxing.

Frustration Level Red...

Thanks to Shannon over at Life After I "Dew", Wednesdays are made for venting...
SO What Wednesdays!!

I am saying so what to this week...

-If I am very excited that my husband got a great job, but frustrated that he starts Monday...so I have three days to find child care!

-If i only have two hands...everyone thinks I have at least 50...I wish...

-If Jack did not do his homework last night...he fell asleep at 6 and I did not have the heart or the patience to wake him up...he is in Kindergarten and it was just reading 1 book

-If I hate entertaining...we have family coming over for Alex's birthday/Halloween party Saturday and I am panicking just thinking about it

-If I found the mini candy bars I bought last week for Halloween still in the car...had 3 for breakfast...

-If being a household with of two full time working parents freaks me out!!

-If I have cried everyday this week thinking about the above statements...

Thanks for listening...I am done now!

The Wind Howls In My Head

Pardon me while I try not to blow away...

Skirt-Fox's/Blazer,Tank Top-Gap/Shoes-Missoni Target/Necklace-Bauble Bar

The thought process behind this outfit...

I had a new business meeting today, so I wanted to dress conservative.  But, it was with a sports facility, so no suits necessary.  To stray from basic, I went with the lace skirt topped with a plain tank.  I love blazers for meetings since they instantly ad polish and this one is fun with tuxedo vibe with the satin lapels.  When the Missoni collection for Target first came out, these wedges were not on my radar.  But, when I stopped into Target last week, they were the only Missoni item left and happened to be in my size.  Since I returned all the other Missoni items I bought (except the black and white shirt see on this blog) I decided to spring for these pumps.  I think they ad a punch to the outfit, but wow, do my feet hurt!

So, this perspective client that we met with today was exactly my age...35...went to my rival high school and graduated the same year as me.  But now, at this current point in our lives, we are in such different places.  It just made me think...how did I get to where I am now... full-time working mom... living in the suburbs.  This was not my plan, but somewhere along the way, I made a decision to veer off in this direction... Too much pondering, my head hurts!

Dancing Queens Love Leopard

I always joke that they only let me out of my cage every one and a great while....but, when they do, all bets are off.  Saturday night was my friend Sarah's bachelorette party...we got a dressed up, had a fancy dinner, enjoyed a drag show, drank too much and danced till our feet thought they might fall off.

Since a night out with the girls is such a rare occurrence...I wanted to put together and outfit fit for fun!

Leopard shirt...skinny jeans...black boots...

A wrist of sequins...

Dangley earrings and a slight smoky eye...

A fabulous fur collared vest...

 Shirt, earrings-Old Navy/Vest-Gap/Jeans, boots-LOFT/bracelet-H&M

Lela Is My Hero

I take my photos every day myself.  It has become a lot easier now that I have a remote.  I have always be so jealous of those ladies who have their own photographer (friend, boyfriend, husband) their photos just seems so much more natural, effortless and less posed...now I know why.  Instead of setting up the camera and tripod, running to a spot, pressing the remote and counting to ten...you just pose...  Lately, I have been getting frustrated with my photos, so I asked Lela who shares my office to play photographer.  She happily obliged and the rest is history...too bad she is not around every day!

                Skirt-Loft/Shirt-Old Navy/Vest-Banana Republic/Boots-Williams/Jewelry-Francesa's, Target, Bauble Bar

I usually take about 40 photos each day in the morning if I happen to get to work early (almost never), during my lunch break or on my way to the car for the long ride home.  It can take me anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour, depending on how I am feeling, how comfy my clothes are, how may people walk through the shot (so annoying) or an array of other annoying variables.  With Lela taking my photos these last few times it has taken about 10 minutes at the most and I am not so focused on where to look, when to press the remote button, is the wind going to blow over the tripod...  I guess what it all comes down to, end the end, is that it just makes my life easier....

Lela...you rock my socks off!! If only she did not have a real job to do everyday.  Hmmm...if I could just pay her to take pretty photos of me every day...not going to happen, but I can dream!

On to my garments...love this fuzzy sweater vest!  But, besides how I styled it today, I am at a loss for how to wear it.  The few times I have worn it, I have styled it just like this, or with a patterned button up shirt and jeans... Any one have any suggestions??

All Aboard...I'm Leaving The Station

So, I am laying in bed last night thinking about what I wanted to wear today...I decided I was going to style myself preppy...

  Skirt-Anthropologie/Shirt-Zara/Scarf-H&M/Jewelry-Bauble Bar, Macy's, Target, Shopbop

I think this outfit tripped over preppyville on it way to messytown....

I started with tights with tights and my favorite skirt and added this great striped top.  I could not find my leopard belt in the mess I like to call my closet, so I left the poor belt loops naked!  Then, the train fell off the rails...I was looking for the gold flowered necklace with the same color tones as the top, but in the two whole minutes I had to get dressed, I just could not find it.  So, I saw this leopard scarf and knotted it up.  I decided on my lighter ankle boots over my darker knee high boots.
This jacket is another story. I think fall jackets are in a box in the attic somewhere, but I am not sure I want to venture up there with all the dust and cobwebs.  So, I picked up this sweatshirt/jacket hybrid at Old Navy a few weeks ago.  It's not very warm, but it sure is cozy...
Last, but not least, is my new bracelet!  If you know me, you know I love a good leaf motif, so when I saw this bracelet at Macy's, I knew it was destined to adorn my wrist!!

It's the effort that counts...right...

Weekend Wrap-Up

Just a bit of the last few days...such a busy week!

Friday...work...starting to feel sick

After spending an hour fighting with customer service at Bank Of America ...the cash machine ate my check and never recorded my deposit...ahhh, I had a craving for Chipotle to sooth my frazzled nerves...

To my delight, Chipolte now has brown rice...woo hoo!!

Saturday... Just rested...so not feeling well... But, I had to run an errand for work, so I popped into Old Navy...big sale!  I scored a leopard blouse for $7 and the sweater dress I wore on Sunday...

Sunday...feeling better!  Today I had a bridal shower for my friend/trainer Sarah.  It has been a few years since I have been to a bridal shower...at my age, it is usually all baby showers and kiddie parties.
Great company, yummy food and amazing red velvet cake...good times!

Then spent my night watching the Bears game with this...

Doing this...

Feeling much better now...resting up for Monday when the craziness begins again...

To Thine Own Self Be True...

The voices in my brain are having an internal debate...
Monday I received a back handed compliment that made me think...She who shall not be named said "wow, aren't you just colorful today...so bright".  I could tell by the look on her face that she did not mean that in a "you look beautiful, love your outfit kind of way.  I did not take any outfit pics, but this is what I wore...grass green full Anthro skirt, Barney purple tank top, brown open weave cardigan light brown ankle books and a scarf leopard print with small orange flowers.  After that comment, I was really self conscience about my outfit.  So, I have been thinking, should I dress a bit more to disappear into a crowd, or keep my flair with my bright colors and layers of jewelry.  I think, when I am feeling loathsome about myself and things, I dress more to fade into the background.  But, when I am feeling like myself and feel good in my outfit, I have no problem standing out.  So, I guess the voices in my head have to keep reminding me that it is ok for others to be slightly aback by my desire to stand out in a crowd and not fade away.

Monday was not a day I felt like having eyes on me...so I decided to dress "quieter"...

 

Skirt, sweater, boots-Loft/jewelry-Jewelmint, DIY, Shopbop, Baublebar

Wow, while posting this, I just realized my whole outfit is from Loft.  This sweater is so comfortable... feels like you are wearing your favorite worn in sweatshirt...I might just have to go back and get it in another color. I sound and look like a walking ad for Loft... nope, just a fan!


Wednesday I was feeling better about myself and surroundings, so I was back to my same "loud" self...
I think I should have worn a necklace...

Skirt-Loft/Top-Missoni for Target/Jacket-Tulle/Shoes-Sam Edelman/Jewelry-Francesca's

Happy Birthday Party Cake!!

Saturday was Alex's 3rd birthday!

He kept saying that he wanted a big boy seat for his birthday.  He insists that he is not a baby and wants a car seat like Jack, a booster.  He was so excited when he unwrapped the seats, one for each car, that he insisted I put them together now...he the proceeded to move one in front of the TV and sit in it to watch cartoons to try it out.

His birthday party was Sunday.  What started out a a raging disaster...ended in success.  Alex had a great time, and in the end that's all that really matters.

I officially have no more babies...no more diapers...no more baby seats...no more cribs...just a
3 year old and a 5 1/2 year old...my big boys!

Pants 36...Me 2

Pants, you might have won a battle, but you have not won the war!

Worn to work Friday, October 7

 

Pants-Loft/Jacket-Target/Shoes-Nicole/Jewelry-Baublebar, F21, ShopBop

So, I tried on 36 pairs of pants last weekend...no exaggeration...27 pairs.  Guess how many actually came home with me...2...just two damn pairs.  I have muscular thighs, smaller hips than the rest of my legs, and and an incision that hates being bound by tight fabric, not to mention being a short 5'4"...not an easy fit!  But, these tan trousers and back jeans now reside in my closet...Thank You Loft!! You always come through!!

 

Jeans-Loft/sweater-Old Navy/t-shirt-Gap/Shoes-Bass

I guess I am pretty ok with the way the pants look...but, I am not quite ready to resign my post as the president of the pants are evil club!

Have a great weekend.  Happy Birthday to my baby Alex who turns 3 tomorrow! Not, I am not ready to start trying for another child...(people are starting to ask that since Alex is not a baby any more and the boys are 2/1/2 years apart)!! No more kids!

Pink Makes You Think...

Worn to work Wednesday, October 5

Dress-Target/Belt-Urban Outfitters/Boots-Loft/Jewelry-Francesca's

This has to be one of my favorite dresses...sure it is shapeless, too big and rayon..but despite its flaws, this dress will sit in the front of my closet, worn often!  I found this cool belt on super sale at Urban outfitters last week...love the leaf pattern clasp.


Worn to work Thursday, October 6

Skirt-Old Navy/Sweater-H&M/Shoes-Steve Madden/Necklace-House of Harlow

Lately I have been into wearing brogues with skirts and even with pants and no socks.  Something about this type of shoe makes me have flash backs to wanting to be part of the preppy crowd in high school.  Not to mention, these flat ones are incredibly comfortable.

Don't forget about Bloggers for Breast Cancer Awareness...I will be wearing something with pink in it throughout the month of October.  Go check out a list of all the other bloggers sporting pink this month thanks to Melissa of A Working Mom's Closet.

Not much else to say today...things are so busy! This weekend is Alex's 3rd birthday...still can't believe that my baby will be 3...and I am still putting together stuff for his presents and party.  Also this weekend is the Yom Kippur, so Saturday will be spent in services, so everything must get done by Saturday morning.

Oh...I have a headache...need more coffee...